Being Mum

A good number of minutes have past since last I got around to writing, so for starters a quick recap on where things currently stand.

Since last I wrote I have (in no particular order):
- got married
- competed in a 5 km fun run
- spent an entire year (2011) without eating any Twisties
- acquired a spinning wheel and re-learnt how to produce yarn
- bought a house, without a mortgage
- moved across the country
- grown so many tomatoes I didn't know what to do with them
- obtained over 50 Fowlers preserving jars
- designed and helped to build a duck house for Merry and Pippin
- brewed a lot of beer
- Skiied in Japan a week after the devastating earthquake and tsunami hit
- stopped working at the mine and
- had a darling little daughter...:-)

So now, I am someone's mum. And still I don't feel like a grown up most of the time.

This has been one of the big revelations of the whole growing up/aging process. As a child I had always assumed that grown ups were somehow different from children, in some fundamental, switching on the light bulb, kind of way. It my head, it justified the superiority with which older people acted, and the way in which they treated those under 18.  I've worked out now that it's not like that - at least not for me. I'm not the same person I was when I was 10, but I'm not that different either. All of the traditional "adult" milestones have passed behind me - turning 18 and 21, moving out of home, finishing formal education, working away, getting married, buying a house and now, having a child of my own, and yet I don't feel miraculously "grown-up". I acknowledge that I am an adult, in a biological sense, but I don't feel some adult superiority, independent of my experiences and knowledge.

Maybe that's just it. Maybe what matters in defining who is a grown up ARE experiences and knowledge, not some arbitrary point in time, or set of accomplishments.  The extra time available for collecting and gathering wisdom may be the true value of having maturity, not the other way around i.e. Being mature somehow automatically makes you wise.

Why change is bad (for keeping up an exercise program)

After being extremely committed and actually succeeding at meeting all of my diet and exercise goals for the whole of September and most of October I accepted an extra three weeks of work in another state and the wheels somewhat fell off. Not that I went on a massive junk food pig out and gained 10kg in those three weeks, just that I'm now back at little bit in my running, I'm feeling a bit out of shape and my eating has reverted to my usual pattern of whatever I feel like.

While the experience gained in my three week stint were unbeatable, I just couldn't get the motivation/energy/momentum up to commit to my regular bi-nightly runs. The reasons (excuses) I was finding included the following:

• Too tired and need extra sleep
• Too humid (the new work site was well into the Tropics)
• It would be anti-social - I should be getting to know my co-workers
• I did lots of physical stuff during work hours, so why should I run?
• I forgot my iPod charger, and without music it will just be too hard
• Well it's dark now, and that could be dangerous

I think you get the picture.

To be fair on myself, in the two and a half weeks I was in camp I went on two runs (one ~5km, one only 20mins or so) and two hour long walks, but these were half-hearted affairs at best. The work I was doing involved lots of heavy lifting and sieving, and yes it was humid. But these excuses are still just that. The reason, if there was a reason, that I didn't run, was that I just didn't start running! My routine got broken in the three days travelling to camp and I didn't restore it. Instead my normal work routine became replaced with a new work routine of chatting, lounging in the pool and drinking wine after work.

This has happened before and usually, at this point I give up exercising regularly. I slip back into old habits and although I don't turn into a blimp, I slowly lose muscle tone, slowly gain weight, and slowly begin feeling miserable again. Eventually, 6 months or a year down the track I start to worry about my health and embark upon another attempt to get fit - thus the cycle continues.

But not this time. Although the next few months will probably be fairly busy with wedding planning and flights, I need to keep doing this. I've finally begun to enjoy running and I'd like to keep going. The challenge to motivate me - a 10K, early next year, somewhere in Victoria.

We are what we repeatedly do

(*Aristotle said that originally)

A few months ago, I did not run. I was not, therefore a runner. In the last two weeks I've run around 42km. And it didn't feel hard, I'm not seriously injured (although I do have a bit of skin off my left knee from a rocky stumble) and strangely enough I think I enjoy it.

The only thing I can think of analogous to this feeling is once upon a time, long long ago when I used to just swim...and swim, and swim.

I ran the furthest I think I've ever run tonight - around 8.8km - and at the end I felt like I could have kept going. My breathing wasn't overly laboured - rhythmic and smooth, deep yes, but hardly what one would call panting. In every other attempt at hard aerobic exercise (out of water that is) I've given up after a few weeks, telling myself I just wasn't "born" a runner...

But Aristotle was right. We are what we repeatedly do.

My first race

This weekend past (Aug 28-29th) J's wonderful parents came over for a visit from Victoria. We had a great time eating, drinking and generally being merry. To make it even better for the Victorians suffering the vitamin D draining effects of a long winter the weather was amazing.

This weekend was also the annual Perth City to Surf. Just before I left Rio I signed up for the 4k run/walk thinking although it wasn't really a stretch target distance wise, the 12k was possibly a bit too much of a challenge. Having continued running my standard 3-4 times a week for the past month or so I felt fairly well prepared, but that didn't stop a little bit of nervousness at the start line.

I'd set myself a couple of goals for this, my first fun run. My main aim was to run the whole way, but I was hoping to get across the finish line in less than 30 minutes. I knew there were a few hills along the way and the start would be a bit congested with the 10000 participants, so I thought this was fairly reasonable. As a challenge I was hoping to cross the finish line in less than 25 minutes.

My time? 24 minutes, 11 seconds, or just about 10 kph.

Go me!

Am I a runner?

So the past few months I've been trying something new - runnning.

Although I competed in school sports, did PE and even did Track Team while I was in America, I just don't see myself as an athlete - more an uncoordinated slightly eccentric dork. And while I have gone for an ocassional jog here and there, the voices in my head telling me that what I am doing is hard and pointless always seem to have won out in the past.

But this time, so far, so good. I think the trick was starting slow, and understanding my motivation. After walking around the airport (a 5km track) a few times purely as a form of relaxation and de-briefing, I found myself one night consumed by a childish energy, and felt compelled to run. So I ran until I couldn't run any more, slowed down to a walk to get my breath back and then ran again. It felt exhilarating - which is not really something I would have said about running ever before.

So, from these beginnings, I've been consistently running around 3 nights a week. Sometimes is a solid slow slog around the airport listening to lectures about Ancient Greece on my iPod, other days a quick 20 minutes of speed work on the treadmill while watching A Current Affair. But always, I feel like doing it, and it's fun.

My motivation this time round is the experience, not the results. Running is a chance to just be in my head for a while, switch off from work, and just enjoy feeling what my body is capable of. Yes, getting fitter, sleeping better, losing a few kgs and looking trim taut and terrific would be nice - but that isn't what gets me moving.

So far it's been about 10 weeks of regular running. A good start, but only that. Will update soon to let you know how this motivation goes when things start to get a bit more mundane.

So far, so far good on the February goals and aims.

As I thought may be the case, I have definitely found it easier to keep up the routine of exercise while at work. Despite that, I have found myself making up the minimum 20 minutes at home anyway through walks or swims everyday.

More importantly I have had some amazing experiences. Swam at dawn in a beautiful pool surrounded by bush. Paddled in the ocean like a dog dodging kite surfers and letting the doctor sweep me along with it.

I think I should be able to make the 5 book total too. So far I've read The Dawkins Letters, Fast Food Nation, Screw it, Lets Do It and almost have The God Delusion finished. Also have a couple of books up at work on the go... should be good.

Will update all at the end of the month, with that all important score!

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Right also next month will be an important one for me...

I'm going to attempt to tackle my biggest bad habit - Picking.

For a long time, I've touched, picked, prodded and scratched at my face. I've never had bad pimples or acne, but I've often had bad skin, with every little outbreak exacerbated by my fingers to a multitude of scabs.
I've always been a grub, with my face covered with everything from my hands quicker and more fully than anyone I know.

I need to stop doing this.

- It's embarrassing - having a dirty face, getting caught picking, bloody scabs

- It costs me money in skin care

- I don't want to inadvertently pass the habit on

- It's could lead to permanent scarring, fungal infections and other health issues

So the plan of attack still needs some refining. I'm going to attempt to keep my hands busy.

More later

Goals, Aims, etc. - Feb 2009

This month is all about positivity.

The world we experience is moderated by how we look at it. Let fears, doubts and worries colour your world grey and your existence will seem a bleak and futile struggle. Experience life only through rose-tinted glasses, and you may wake up with a headache of eventual disillusionment. The past few months, I've let myself be drawn further and further into a spiral of black negativity. This month I aim to start correcting this, at first with baby-steps.
As a well indoctrinated corporate employee I know goals should be SMART - Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Timely. As a measure of success I'll give myself a score at the end of the month.


So here they are, one per week of February:

1. Spend 20 minutes (minimum) every day purposefully exercising, to aid sleep, mood and fitness. (1 point per day goal achieved)
2. Write down 1 thing each day that makes me smile. (1 point per day)
3. Finish reading 5 books. (5 points per book)
4. Write a plan of attack for the big brewery dream. (20 points if completed)

So that's that. Possible total = 101.

I'll update this blog in the next few weeks with tales of my progress.